The bullshit flew in the coffee shop
as Scotty told us again,
about the time some pilots messed up
and it happened way back when.
Back in the spring of seventy-eight
Finger, Linger, and Ben,
three young lads, all working late
at Gateway Aviation.
Yes Finger and Linger, buddies with Ben
knew each other since Grade two,
had young man’s jobs, on a float-base dock
‘cause that was the thing to do.
On the bay, by the Gateway dock
two arguing pilots stood,
beneath the shadow of Pilot’s Rock
they debated if they should…
Old Captain Malkem, he ran the base,
he wanted to get his way.
He yelled, and he screamed, and he got in the face
of Cap Montyson, that day.
Yes Captain Steve Montyson, he was;
he flew the big Twin Otter.
He seemed a little worried because
of candle-ice and water.
“Just fire her up, and call the tower,
we’ve got to put it on wheels.
You’ll be back in under an hour,
fly the plane, I’ll make the deals.”
“I’m not really sure about that ice
we’re pushing it pretty fine…”
“You fly planes! I told you twice,
and I watch the bottom line!”
So Monty calls out to Ben “Let’s ride”
and Ben threw down his broom;
he jumped up and in, and he beamed with pride
he’d be flying pretty soon.
Monty roars out, on icy candles
with prop blades spinning away,
while wondering if the ice could handle,
asked the tower if he may….
Get clearance to lift off the Big Lake,
“Roger. You can proceed,” but
Monty, it seemed had made a mistake.
Yes a big mistake indeed.
Suddenly, in the cock-pit they knew
and their hearts began to pound,
the Twin Otter’s front ski, it broke through;
Montyson shut her down.
Monty and Ben, still shaking when
the plane’s nose settled down low,
Monty turned, and he said to Ben
“O.K. Kid, it’s time to go.”
Meanwhile, running out on to the ice
comes Finger, and Linger too,
Linger was walking to be precise,
he carried a plank or two.
Now Linger put out a big plank
and Finger, he did the same,
they helped Captain Monty, and young Ben
step away from the plane.
Then they called for a helicopter
a Sikorsky sixty-one
but that one was busy, as it were
so they looked for a different one.
They phoned up the Military
and asked them for a Chinook
“We have a Twin Otter to ferry,
send one with a big hook.”
I’m sure that you’ve, seen a Chinook
with so many blades spinning ‘round,
high R.P.M.’s, whatever it took,
to lift up eight thousand pounds.
A big old hook, beneath the long line
connected to lifting eyes.
“Throw on the power, we’re doing fine”
and the plane began to rise.
But the water in the nose it sloshed
the tail of the plane went down,
the Chinook pilot he swore “By Gosh!”
now his smile turned to a frown.
Well that chopper pilot, he got spooked
when the Twin it spun around,
he pressed the button and unhooked,
the Twin Otter crashed back down!
Back to the arms of the icy lake
the Twin Otter settled low
The chopper pilot made a mistake
he figured he should go.
For the airport he high-tailed it to
while the crowd, in the Old Town
speculated, as if they all knew
how THEY’d get it off the ground.
Then the next day, we woke to the sound
of the Chinook’s big old roar.
Everyone ran, down to the Old Town
so they could watch some more…
With those whirling blades and lots of noise,
the Chinook tried it again;
“Let’s give her another go there, boys,”
it lifted the plane, but then..
the cable above the rising plane,
it suddenly snapped in two!
The big Twin’s flight had ended again,
and same for the big rescue.
With a carnival-like atmosphere
a crowd started to form ‘round
and with everybody standing there
the Twin Otter crashed back down!
Well the cable on its ricochet
punched the belly of the Chinook.
As hydraulic oil, started to spray,
the big old bird she shook
Yes, the big Chinook, she sure looked rough
splattered in blood red goo….
the chopper pilot had had enough,
so back to the base he flew.
Well everyone on that Old Town shore
and those who stood on the hill,
wondered if they’d try it once more
while they had the time to kill.
Well next day, Finger, Linger and Ben
with some others keen to try…
hooked Chinook to the Twin Otter and
finally she got to fly!
Yes up, up, up, from the ice she rose
dripping out lots of water
never to fly again, I suppose
the end of that Twin Otter.
Here’s everyone at that coffee shop
to this story listening,
with a never-ending coffee cup,
eating eggs, and everything;
“Come on Scotty, that can’t all be true”
one of the boys had piped in;
“It’s not bullshit, man, I’m telling you…”
then he yelled above the din.
“I just can’t believe you would doubt me…”
he slammed down his coffee cup,
“and challenge my veracity!
I couldn’t make this stuff up!”
